The Urge
by Rain2561
Summary: Ever since Leah woke up in May, she felt an urge to kill. She later finds out it's her wolf talking and she can either accept it... Or kill someone, even herself, trying.


**'Life sucks, then you die.'**

That was Jacob's way of thinking, sometimes. But I had other things to do besides…

Well, thinking about how sucky my life was... is then dying. Instead of letting my life suck, I was going to deal with it Leah Clearwater style.

Ok, maybe I should work on that.

I was leaving La Push, to Seattle.

Don't get me wrong, I love it here. But I needed change. There was nothing here for me besides turning into a monster bitch and running around with guys. Not to mention the reputation I was getting for it.

I know my mother means well but she can only keep so much from me about what the council and the people around town say about me. Not that I care (as much as before anyway) I can't stop what they think about me. I literally cannot, the council encourages the rumors to keep the secret. I've heard it before too, at stores, in parking lots, parks, even the pack meetings. You don't have to have super hearing to know it, either.

Another reason I was leaving.

I wanted- no _needed_ to stop phasing. Ever since I woke up a few months ago, I just had this urge…_ to kill something_. It didn't matter what it was, I had to do it constantly. I had thought about taking it out on the little forest critters, but I knew that wouldn't work. I tried just... mildly beating up Jacob, but that didn't work either.

Emmet wanted to help me. He said I could rip and maul all I wanted, he'd just put himself back together afterwards. We actually decided if it got worse, we'd go through with it. Rosalie and I had become good friends, and she understood I needed this.

It went terribly wrong.

May 28. I'll never forget that day.

That was the day I was the most feral. I snapped at everything, I knocked Paul out, I had even raised a hand to my mother, and that was where I drew the line. I ran as fast as I could to the Cullens, and that made it worse.

The smell. That's what triggered it. It was horrible.

I_ phased back and quickly through some clothes on, sprinting into the house._

_"Carlisle!" I screeched, and at once he was by my side. My vision was red, and I tried my best not to kill him._

_"Get Emmet, now." My voice cracked as I growled through my teeth. Carlisle seemed alarmed._

_"Leah I need you to calm down."_

_A sharp pain went up my spine and into my skull. I gritted my teeth and clenced my hands._

_"Carlisle, I swear if Emmet does not get down here in 2.0 seconds I will personally drag him down here with my teeth." I growled. Carlisle gripped my shoulder._

_"Leah, please. This is your wolf talking-"_

_"Carlisle, I am dealing with some weird shit and I for one, AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!"_

_"EMMET!" I shouted. There he was, walking through the door. Instantly I shifted, ripping my clothes. I tackled him through the door and bit at anything I could reach. He was caught off guard, and didn't fight back for a few seconds._

_"What the hell is wrong with her?!" Emmet shouted to Carlisle. The Cullen household was now filled with my growling and screeches as I literally tried to maul Emmet to death. The rest of the vampire clan stood around us, knowing they couldn't stop it._

_Emmet let me, until he figured if he fought back it would help drain this urge out of me. This didn't work._

_"Emmet don't!" Rosalie screeched as he threw me off of him. I slammed into a tree._

_I almost blacked out from the anger. My whole body was shaking like mad, even though I was already in wolf form. I charged for him, and gripped him by the neck._

_"Why aren't you helping Uncle Emmet?" I heard a little girl's voice ask._

_"Because if we did, Leah would try to kill us all." I heard Mind Reader say calmly._

_I snapped._

_I was not evil enough to kill a little girl. They may think I was, but I wasn't. I knew my limits, I knew when to stop. But this urge was something I could not control._

_It makes me cringe to remember what happened. I attacked Edward, Jasper and Emmet at the same time. Bella had to take the little demon spawn back to the cottage because of how gruesome it was. My blood was everywhere, and the body parts of all three leeches littered the ground._

I'm still surprised I'm alive.

No one knew what was wrong with me. The wolf inside me was getting out of control, and no matter how hard I tried I could not control it.

I woke up a few days later at home, lying on the couch. I was so drained I could barley move without losing my breath. The urge had been gone temporarily, but it came back every few months. It wasn't as bad as the first time, but they were still horrible. The Cullens locked me in their garage after they cleared everything out so I wouldn't destroy anything.

Lying in that room though, I was destroying myself.

All coherent thoughts were gone. Sometimes I even thought of killing myself to get all of it over with, but I didn't. Some kind of force told me that it wasn't the answer.

My mom.

A few days after the incident, I was in my room on my bed. I didn't want to come out for fear I'd hurt someone else. A light knock on the door signaled that I wasn't home alone as I had thought I was.

_"No." I croaked. My throat had been aching, and some days I couldn't even talk._

_"I'm coming in anyway." My mom's soft voice said. I gripped my blanket and pulled it up to my head, even though I was sweating like crazy._

_"Mom… no." I whispered. She approached my bed and sat at my feet._

_"Baby, you can't be laying in bed waiting for it to happen again." She said. I sniffled. I would not cry._

_"I'm not waiting for it to happen again, I'm trying to prevent it from happening again."_

_"Trying to prevent it does not mean laying in bed all day, honey. Getting up and making sure you are ready if it does happen, and looking for some answers is trying to prevent it." There was a weird thing about my mother. She was talking to quiet and sweet, yet she could make it sound like an order if she wanted. And she was._

_I held back my tears. I would not cry._

_"I almost hit you mom…" I sniffled again. She smiled softly, brushing back my short hair from my sweaty face._

_"But you didn't, and that's what matters. Now, come downstairs and we'll talk about it. I'm making soup."_

_I chocked back a sob. I was angry, I was scared, and I was almost literally _suffocating_ myself with this blanket._

_"Can it be cold?" I whispered._

_She chuckled._

We did talk about it. We discussed some things that should've been done years ago. We talked about Sam and Emily, we talked about Dad, we talked about me shifting, and we talked about change.

I liked that word. Change.

That's what happened too. It took months, but they finally decided that I could leave. It wasn't safe for me here, with the Cullens, the memories and the perfect place to run around as a wolf.

We found a nice little loft to rent in Seattle close to the university.

I had forgotten to tell the pack and the Cullens about it though.

For the longest time I had been avoiding them both in fear of isolation. Well, more isolation than normal. I knew they both didn't like me at all, and I don't like them either, but I still needed some kind of ally. Hell yeah it was selfish, but I'd like to know that in a fight someone would have my back. They knew I'd have theirs in a heartbeat, because it was right. I just didn't know if they felt the same, and I was too much of a woos to find out.

It took a while, but Mom convinced me that I had to tell them, I couldn't just disappear and have her pick up the pieces after me, even though I really wanted to.

And that's where we were now. At a bonfire, like every month on the full moon.

Another reason I really wanted out of here.

I sat near the fire, my heart beating wildly. Seth was throwing a football near the surf with everyone else, while all the council members and imprints chatted and ate. It amazed me how long I went without even seeing Seth, which was two weeks. I tried my best to keep to myself around this time; I didn't want it to be too much of a difference when I left.

"Leah?" I heard a deep, gravelly voice ask. I jumped.

Sam. I hadn't seen him in so long. I gave him a half smile, and turned back around to the fire.

"Sue told me you had something to say?" Emily interrupted.

I had gotten over the whole love triangle thing. I knew I was not good enough for Sam, that's why he imprinted on Emily. There was no getting past it. Emily was little miss perfect, while I was just… me.

A shape shifting bitch with no life, no friends, and obviously no faith in herself.

Shut up.

"Umm…" I cleared my throat. Grow a backbone Leah. "Yeah, I do."

I stood, wiping the sand off my shorts.

"Hey buffoons!" I yelled to the guys. Their heads shot up. I'm not surprised. "C'mere for a second, I gotta announce some stuff."

They all clambered over, laughing and punching each other in the arms. They were so stupid.

I was going to miss them the most.

Once everyone had been seating, I took a good look at them all. Even Paul, who I hated to even look at for two seconds.

"What's up Lee?" Jacob asked pleasantly. I cringed.

"Well… erm…" I turned to Sue for help. She shook her head, and sat back in her chair. I was on my own.

"Alright, screw it. I'm leaving in a few weeks." I told them. Seth, who had been staring into the fire, looked straight at me. His eyes were filled with hurt.

"What?" a chorus of countless voices asked.

"You heard me." I whispered.

"What do you mean leaving?!" Jacob shouted angrily. I glared at him.

"Leaving! As in, gone, not here anymore!" I yelled. He growled. I may be leaving but he was still my alpha. I shouldn't mouth off to him like that, but I do anyway.

"Why Lee?" Seth asked feebly. I have gave him a small smile but had to look away.

"I can't be here anymore little bro. I don't belong. I need to stop phasing, I wasn't supposed to in the first place. Believe it or not I am a girl. I want a fresh start. I want to go to college, and be normal for a change. Maybe I'll even meet someone." I smiled, but no one else did.

"When did you decide all of this?" Jared asked. I closed my eyes as I tried to think.

"Around New Years. But then… erm… I woke up in May sometime and… well… I wasn't feeling good."

"Which means she wanted to kill something." Emmet's voice dragged out from my pocket. I blushed, and took out my phone.

"Not the time." I whispered into it.

"Why are you on the phone with one of the Cullens?" Paul asked critically. I huffed.

"They have to explain some things too, some of it I don't understand."

"We're all here Leah!" Alice chirped from the other line.

"Yes, bunched up in the living room all squished together, with the phone on the coffee table. We can hear everything. You so owe me."

"I don't owe you anything Rose. I paid you off by not killing your husband a few months ago." I sassed. She laughed.

"What are you TALKING about?!" Sam yelled. Everyone, even some birds, jumped.

"Calm down." Emily whispered, rubbing his shoulder gently and giving him pecks on his face. I pressed my tongue into my cheek.

"You almost killed Emmet?" Billy exclaimed.

"Doesn't that violate the treaty?" one of the new cubs asked. Like huge bees, everyone started talking at the same time.

"Would you please SHUT UP?!" Seth shouted. "Let her finish."

"Thank you." I whispered. "Like Emmet said, I had this uncontrollable urge to kill when I woke up a few months ago. So I went to the Leech Doctor so he could help me out. He couldn't figure it out, so me and Emmet decided-"

"Emmet and I." Edward chimed in from the other line. I glared at my phone.

"Emmet and I decided that if it got any worse, I'd take it out on him so that no one would get killed. He'd just piece himself back together afterwards.

But on May 28 it didn't work out that way. I almost tried to attack a lot of people, even mom."

I explained the whole thing. Afterwards they sat in silence.

"I believe I know what is wrong with the child." Carlisle said. I perked up.

"You do?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"WELL TELL ME!" I laughed.

"See, Leah you are going through a change. Your body is trying to get rid of the wolf for some reason, but the wolf refuses to leave. To prove its dominance, it has started to show itself. Your wolf is angry at you Leah."

"Do you have any idea… why?" In other words, elaborate so I know what the hell you're talking about.

"It wants a mate." Carlisle said awkwardly.

I didn't try to break the silence again.

"Oooooh, the she wolf wants a daddy!" Emmet howled.

The sound of him getting cuffed on the back of the head made me smile.

"Well the wolf needs to realize it should wait a while before it'll have a mate." I said sarcastically.

"I don't know Leah, I have a friend…" Alice giggled.

"Can we not…?" Bella trailed off.

"You people are not helping at all." I told the Cullens. The pack sat in stunned silence.

"What does this mean Carlisle?" Esme asked sweetly.

"This means Leah should get rid of the wolf before… something goes wrong. Or she could find a mate as fast as she can. Or both."

"Can never catch a break can I?" I whispered to myself. "Let's discuss this in the morning okay? I'll be over at around 11 Rose."

"Yay! I can give you a makeover! Byee!" Alice squealed. Before I could protest she hung up.

I laughed, putting my phone away and turned around to go home.

* * *

**...**

**This is what I get for dealing with a breakup, Teen Wolf season 3 (YES!) coming out in two days, and summer coming soon. I get random one shots, just going on as I go. **

**Btw, this will be a 1,2, or 3 shot. I'm NOT taking a break from my other stories, I just wanted to make this one to release some pent up anger. Writing just helps me sometimes, I have no idea. **

**Oh hey, any Marianas Trench fans out there? If you are, did you catch my Josh Ramsay reference? Lol, I'll try to do that more often. The whole famous person reference thing, and see if you can find it, guess it in the reveiws, and on the next authors note I'll see who won if anyone did :) ****So summers almost here, and I cannot wait! Literally 4 days. More excuses to write and read fanfic, more reading The Chronicles of Nick, more being on Youtube, SEA OF MONSTERS MOVIE IS COMING OUT OMG! I was literally jumping up and down in my chair when I saw the trailer. **

**Don't judge me.**

**Getting back on track, choochoo...**

**If you ever want to talk to me, read some of the things that I write besides fanfiction, or just want to share some lovin', you can find me here:**

**the-quiet-rain-storm . tumblr . com (take out the spaces) **

**and:**

**follow me on twitter at** ** (at sign)ninabearygoins**

**Has anyone else decided that they might actually do something this summer besides be a lazy bum? I know I have, but I'm one of those people who are to scared to do things in public. Like I get terrified wearing shorts or a dress out in public to the point that I have a hoodie with me at all times. It irritates my mom to no end... sorry Ma :/**

**I've also decided I'll try to become more of a girl this summer too. New wardrobe, maybe new hairstyle, possibly wearing more than mascara on occasion. **

**I'm so sorry I've bored you. **

**REVEIW! I want to know if I should continue or just drop it like a bomb and run. :)**


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